Miss Lisa's Cat Sitting and Dog Walking

This is your average flyer, except for the illustration of the cat in the upper left corner. Here it is enlarged so you can see it better.

That's a creepy looking cat. If I were taking care of it, I would wonder if it were giving birth. Or taking a dump. Or both simultaneously. Or maybe it's just plotting my murder.

Dogwalking for Rainforests

I found this in the East Village. Dogwalking for Rainforests donates 30% of their profits to do-gooder organizations. We're going on vacation next week and we need someone to take care of our cats so we're giving the tree-hugging pet sitters a call.

Nichelle Pet Photographer

I'm so glad that I found this because every other pet photographer in town refused to work with my bat and elephant.

Mr. Fix It

Mike, a.k.a. Mr. Fix It, leaves no square inch unfilled in this flyer that he posted around the East Village. It's like the entire Yellow Pages crammed onto one page. And what wouldn't fit on side one spilled over to side two, necessitating that he tape these to the glass on bus shelters so that you can see both sides.
But what's still missing is that no job is too big or too small. And a coupon. And the logo needs to be bigger. In red.

Sale To Fund New Documentary

You won't be surprised to read that I found this in Williamsburg. Selling your furniture to pay for your film shows true dedication. The neighborhood will miss them when they're forced out by rising real estate prices and the Bugaboo Brigade.

HELL

I found this chunk of fire and brimstone on the sidewalk in The first part of the text explains how the Bible condemns homosexuality and the second part claims that by giving yourself over to Christ you will be saved and no longer gay.

This is exactly the wrong way to win people over. It's like if Revlon ran an ad that had UGLY as the headline (with Unattractive and You extending from the U and Y) with copy citing Revlon corporate literature that specifically forbids not wearing makeup as not only unsightly but also morally bereft. After setting up the problem, the solution would be a face full of Revlon products that would transform you into Halle Berry no matter how ghastly you look at the moment.

No More War

Insta-Protest is a site that makes left wing propaganda instantly downloadable to your printer. This poster is fitting for an endeavor with the goal of taking the work out of political activism. As if the solution to war is to just say no. We gave peace a chance - many chances - and war is still with us.

Bush & Hitler

Is this image comparing President Bush to Hitler? Or does it suggest that both unpopular world leaders are beholden to, or at least friendly with, this mysterious object?

Imperialism

This poem sounds like a spoof of a spoken word artist's first efforts. After writing this, the poet would address the issues of racism, capitalism, the police state and Mumia Abu-Jamal.

Euthanasia Nation

Some people work all their lives for their 15 minutes of fame and others have it thrust upon them while in a coma. I'm refering to Terri Schaivo who, at the time this was written, was enough of a media presence that only her first name was necessary.

Siphoning Iraq

I'm impressed that someone took the time not only to read this but also to leave a comment. This blog has yet to get a comment so I can imagine JJ's elation when his lone voice in the wilderness, printed on a mailing label and stuck to a pole, was heard.

Onward Christian Taliban

I found this, and others like it scattered below 14th St, stuck to lamp poles and parking meters.

I like the phrase "gay Armageddon". It sounds like the name of a hardcore band. There's already a grindcore band called Anal Holocaust.

Cassioppia

I can understand why Cassioppia would want to advertise that they'll pierce your most intimate regions, but do they need illustrations? If I were in the market to have a piece of metal put into my johnson, I think I'd already know what a Prince Albert is.

Senior Idol

This is like something from a Christopher Guest movie. What's creepy about this flyer is the illustration of what looks like a guy working a puppet of a female singer from behind while licking it. And are those his pants gathered around his ankles? I think the fat lady is screaming for help.

Mavi Graves

The bulletin boards on University off of Union Square have been pretty dull of late so this stopped me. I guessed that Mavi Graves is some sort of country/americana band, but she's not. Mavourneen lace Graves' MySpace page describes her music as indie/electronica/experimental and herself as a Gynocrat.

I usually take down the flyers I like to scan them and keep for the archives. This one I left up.

Shut The War Down!

Did you hear anything on the news about this protest? Probably not, because the Troops Out Now Coalition went out of their way to make sure that most Americans would skip it.

The Iraq War is unpopular enough that a large number of people could show up to protest it, if that were the sole issue of the march.

But no, the organizers have to throw in "End the Occupations of Iraq, Palestine, Afghanistan", "Stop Threats Against Venezuela, Cuba, Iran, North Korea and Africa", "Stop the war on women & lesbian, gay, bi and trans people", "Stop the War Against the Black, Latin@, Arab & Muslim Communities", "Military Recruiters Out of Our Schools", "U.S. OUT of the Philippines, Puerto Rico and Haiti" along with other vague demands of how to spend our tax dollars.

See, you might get me to protest the continuation of the Iraq War, but I'm a strong believer in the occupation of Hawaii and Alaska so you won't catch me at any Troops Out Now Coalition events.

Housing a Constitutional Amendment XXVII

Housing a Constitutional Amendment is an ongoing series of flyers that are like the rantings of a homeless person committed to paper. The first one I picked up put a Christian spin on the issue.

Later, I found this even stranger example. The eccentric details include "PHONE BLOCK ESCORT SERVICE CALL CONGRESS", "SURRENDER YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE" and "COUNTER IN CULTURE".

The back of the flyer lays out a plan wherein the homeless can sue those who are responsible for their condition. It's written in poor English and riddled with typos.

Is this flyer calling for a protest of non-violence?

This one takes on prostitution and the sex industry. Best quote: "Masturbation law in topless clubs repealed; with regulation. Man must no ex pose him self (sic) and secretion must be confined inside clothes."
The back states "There are three major Industries proven to assist forced homelessness. 1)AUTOMOBILE INDUSTRY 2)SOCIAL, RECREATIONAL, AND ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY 3)THE SEX INDUSTRY."

It targets the Village Voice for a boycott because of all the adult services ads in the back. part of the rationale is "We found every organization in the paper practicing Social Control. Under this Social Control, a person in need of socializing would find all avenues closed accept (sic) the pornography and prostitution the Village Voice offered."

The creator of this campaign is very concerned about AIDS, writing "So we investigated Safe Sex. We found only One Way of not catching the AIDS VIRUS through a five step process. THE FIVE STEP PROCESS: 1) Proper dating skills 2) A proper dating environment 3) A courting period (dating period) 4) An AIDS TEST of both partners before any sex 5) No cheating sexually on your date."

Next up is drug law reform and I'm guessing that the ideas here is that marijuana should be tolerated more and alcohol less, the same program suggested by the late comedian Bill Hicks.
The back of this flyer has the same text as the prostitution reform flyer.


Nothing in the text follows up on America's oil consumption.


And now it's back to sex...


The author calls on reforms for topless clubs but how many men have either gotten or given AIDS at strip joint?


Every version has the wording of the proposed amendment and a P.O. box to write to if you want to help the cause. That part of the flyer is written in proper English but, if you ask me, a constitutional amendment guaranteeing housing is the craziest idea here.

Project Light

Christians don't post many flyers in NYC and I had to go to Long Island City to find this one. This event is giving away lots of free stuff - Bibles, clothing, hotdogs, popcorn, sodas, fruit juices, cold water, and "lots of personal items for your home."

If you read the Bible, you'll see that Jesus used to provide snacks and refreshments to his followers, like loaves, fishes and wine. He probably handed out some personal items for the home too, but that never made it into the gospel.

Steve!

This time it's a phone number and friend that was lost. If I were Steve, I would miss knowing someone with a moniker as colorful as "Kayak" Rick.

Lost Passport

Losing something in NYC isn't always hopeless. A friend of mine returned a lost wallet that she found on the sidewalk and I myself returned a stolen purse that the thief left on the street.

Years ago, I found a cell phone. I held onto it for a while, waiting for it to ring. It never did so I took it to a party that was held on a pier. I was standing with a group of people, talking and waiting for the inevitable. Sure enough, someone's phone rang and everyone stopped to check if it was theirs. I pulled mine out too. When it wasn't for me, I acted disappointed and petulantly threw the phone into the river. Everyone was aghast.