Mary Mary

After my first post about these rants, I was contacted by people who saw these in Chicago. This guy gets around. If anyone has seen these in any other cities, please let me know.

The text, preserving all spelling and grammatical errors:

MARY MARY

YOU MUST LISTEN TO CHRIST RADIO 56AM OR DIVEL WILL MAKE BATS OUT OF ALL OF YOUS

IF YOU WANT TO GET TO HEAVEN OU MUST STOP GAY SHACKING UP. AND FORNICATIONG OR YOUS WILL BURN IN HOT LAVA IN HELL FOREVER. CHRIST SAID SO IN THE HOLY BIBLE. STAY MARRIED THROW AWAY FLITHY MOVIES YOUR EYES ARE THE MIRRORS OF YOUR SOUL

Found on Broadway below 14th Street.

Keep The Ten Commandments

Crazed Christianity - just the way I like it. Both postings insist you to follow the Ten Commandments and listen to Christ Radio at 53AM.

Best line: "Teenages and people in Hell are suffering terrible."

There wasn't an intact posting of this one so I had to capture it in halves.

Best line: "A face of a woman was on a bats face on a front page news."

Found on Broadway above Union Square.

Tony Alamo Christian Ministries

I remember Tony Alamo. I first read one of his crazy newsletters when I was a kid in Los Angeles. If that's a picture of Tony, it must be an old one.

Handed to me in Union Square.

God's Security Guard

A profound faith in God will make a man do many things - quit drinking, settle down with a good woman, or paint his camper all crazy.

This sort of divinely inspired art is a genre unto itself. Back in the old days, like during the Renaissance and before, the top artists of the western world created religious art almost exclusively. Now it's left to the self-taught.

Jesus was a carpenter, not an artist, so it's no surprise that His work is lacking in draftsmanship and rendering technique.

Rob, our west coast correspondent, found this in Los Angeles so there has to be a connection to show biz. That's one thing unique to L.A., everyone is assessed by their proximity to celebrity.

What Money Can Buy

Found in the subway. This is the sermon, preserving the emphasis:

WHAT MONEY CAN BUY
Money Will Buy
A bed BUT NOT sleep.
Books BUT NOT brains.
Food BUT NOT appetite.
Finery BUT NOT beauty.
A House BUT NOT a home.
Medicine BUT NOT health.
Luxuries BUT NOT culture.
Amusement BUT NOT happiness.
A crucifix BUT NOT a Savior.
A church pew BUT NOT heaven.

The rest is an appeal to let Jesus be your savior.

Seeing how many churches in NYC are being converted into luxury condos, it looks like Jesus is literally losing ground to dead presidents.

On 12th Street between 3rd and 4th Avenues. You can see already how the remains of the church will be completely overwhelmed by the building behind it.

The Christian Scientists will remain on the bottom floor but the upper floors will be residences.

On West 4th Street between 6th Avenue and Washington Square Park. God just can't afford to live in this neighborhood anymore.

CSI:New York

This is another Jews for Jesus flyer trying to be relevant, this time by borrowing interest from the popular CSI television series.

The premise is "What do you think Mac Taylor and his CSI colleagues would have done if they had to investigate the Death of Y'shua (the Jewish way to say Jesus)? Who would they pin the murder on?"

Then it goes on to work in every character from the show as they review the facts of the case as described in the Bible.



The biggest flaw in hypothetical situation is that the NYPD would have no reason to investigate this case. No murder was committed. It would be like looking into someone who was sentenced to death in Iran. Their legal system doesn't work like ours does, and we may disapprove of it, but it's out of our jurisdiction.


The flyer concludes with "the evidence points to all of us being guilty, since anyone who ever sinned put put Y'shua on the cross."

Uh...no. No New York judge would ever convict someone for a murder committed two thousand years before he was born. At least I hope not. I don't want to take the fall for what happened to Saint Bartholomew.

Greed Feeds This Country

It's true that the quest for cash motivates this country. That's capitalism, what the left-wing calls greed. And I'll go along with the notion that we as a nation have become too obsessed with wealth. Paris Hilton is the most stark example that we'll tolerate, even glamourize, any sort of behavior as long as it's associated with extreme sums of money. But this posting, wheatpasted in SoHo, is too shrill and cliche to be taken seriously, like saying that President Bush is a nazi. Having the words greed and feed form a cross - suggesting that Christianity and avarice are one in the same - is an extra layer of doctrine that's preaching to the Red Army Choir.

La Passio

I spent a week in Barcelona and brought back a few street posters. This image of Jesus Christ Superhero was all over the city.

Christ must be the most recognizable religious figure in the world. Really, I wouldn't know Mohammed if I ran into him on the 6 train. Buddha is up there too, but Christ's look is more standardized. Good brand building, Christianity!

Peace Be With You

I noticed this, thinking that it was going to be some sort of religious curiosity. It is, but not the kind I imagined. "Peace Be With You" is the title of a novel that the flyer promises is "so controversial and provocative that many bookstores are afraid to carry it!!" I followed the flyer's directions to RaimondoSalomone.com and read the synopsis. The only thing that makes it "controversial and provocative" is that one of the characters in the sordid tale is a priest. Really I think that the reason that "many bookstores are afraid to carry it" is that they don't think that they can move many copies of a novel by an unknow author.

HELL

I found this chunk of fire and brimstone on the sidewalk in The first part of the text explains how the Bible condemns homosexuality and the second part claims that by giving yourself over to Christ you will be saved and no longer gay.

This is exactly the wrong way to win people over. It's like if Revlon ran an ad that had UGLY as the headline (with Unattractive and You extending from the U and Y) with copy citing Revlon corporate literature that specifically forbids not wearing makeup as not only unsightly but also morally bereft. After setting up the problem, the solution would be a face full of Revlon products that would transform you into Halle Berry no matter how ghastly you look at the moment.

Onward Christian Taliban

I found this, and others like it scattered below 14th St, stuck to lamp poles and parking meters.

I like the phrase "gay Armageddon". It sounds like the name of a hardcore band. There's already a grindcore band called Anal Holocaust.

Housing a Constitutional Amendment XXVII

Housing a Constitutional Amendment is an ongoing series of flyers that are like the rantings of a homeless person committed to paper. The first one I picked up put a Christian spin on the issue.

Later, I found this even stranger example. The eccentric details include "PHONE BLOCK ESCORT SERVICE CALL CONGRESS", "SURRENDER YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE" and "COUNTER IN CULTURE".

The back of the flyer lays out a plan wherein the homeless can sue those who are responsible for their condition. It's written in poor English and riddled with typos.

Is this flyer calling for a protest of non-violence?

This one takes on prostitution and the sex industry. Best quote: "Masturbation law in topless clubs repealed; with regulation. Man must no ex pose him self (sic) and secretion must be confined inside clothes."
The back states "There are three major Industries proven to assist forced homelessness. 1)AUTOMOBILE INDUSTRY 2)SOCIAL, RECREATIONAL, AND ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY 3)THE SEX INDUSTRY."

It targets the Village Voice for a boycott because of all the adult services ads in the back. part of the rationale is "We found every organization in the paper practicing Social Control. Under this Social Control, a person in need of socializing would find all avenues closed accept (sic) the pornography and prostitution the Village Voice offered."

The creator of this campaign is very concerned about AIDS, writing "So we investigated Safe Sex. We found only One Way of not catching the AIDS VIRUS through a five step process. THE FIVE STEP PROCESS: 1) Proper dating skills 2) A proper dating environment 3) A courting period (dating period) 4) An AIDS TEST of both partners before any sex 5) No cheating sexually on your date."

Next up is drug law reform and I'm guessing that the ideas here is that marijuana should be tolerated more and alcohol less, the same program suggested by the late comedian Bill Hicks.
The back of this flyer has the same text as the prostitution reform flyer.


Nothing in the text follows up on America's oil consumption.


And now it's back to sex...


The author calls on reforms for topless clubs but how many men have either gotten or given AIDS at strip joint?


Every version has the wording of the proposed amendment and a P.O. box to write to if you want to help the cause. That part of the flyer is written in proper English but, if you ask me, a constitutional amendment guaranteeing housing is the craziest idea here.

Project Light

Christians don't post many flyers in NYC and I had to go to Long Island City to find this one. This event is giving away lots of free stuff - Bibles, clothing, hotdogs, popcorn, sodas, fruit juices, cold water, and "lots of personal items for your home."

If you read the Bible, you'll see that Jesus used to provide snacks and refreshments to his followers, like loaves, fishes and wine. He probably handed out some personal items for the home too, but that never made it into the gospel.